Sorry about a lack of posts this week, connectivity at 38,000 feet is garbage. We will get to that in a minute.
Since we last saw our hero, tons of nothing has happened. We left our quaint military base in Washington state after 4 days of running around, getting issued an extra 200 pounds of green/tan stuff, and trying to fit it all into 5 bags. When I got to the airport, the very kind airport lady told me it needed to be in 4. So I got to be that guy, standing in line, cursing like a drunk sailor, trying to stuff socks/sleeping bags/body armor into a bag the size of a pillow case. Amazingly it fit.
Flew to St.Paul. If I needed to make a "de-Motivational calendar" I would take a picture of Minnesota from the air. Frozen solid. It was 12 degrees there, but we didn't mind, we were walking 3 miles through the airport to find out our plane was delayed. Eventually we went to Norfolk (read: Nah-fuk) Virginia. Checked into Navy billeting there and ordered pizza at 11pm. We had to get back to the passenger terminal by 7 to catch our flight. On a side note, the very nice (if prying) Ethopian man driving the cab did seem to know more about our flight than we did. He told us that the plane leaves at night. We thanked him for his concern, and smiled to ourselves knowing that he didn't know what he was talking about.
When we got to the passenger terminal, we were told the plane was delayed till 2. Went and had the worst omelet known to man:
Me: Ma'am, what is this? I ordered a western omlet.
Ham-beast: no you didnt. Its a spanish omlet.
Me: Yes I did, it had peppers and onions. What IS this??
Ham-beast: Its spanish.
Me: Why?
Ham-beast: Because of the sauce.
Me: Diced tomatoes from a can and celery is Spanish?
Ham-beast: You want me to...make you something else?
Me: I know better than that.....
So we went back to the terminal with full stomachs, and a strange urge for bull fighting and Tapas. When we got there, we spread out and took a nap.
At 1230, I went to ask about our supposed mystery lunches. "we lost them" said a young naval person that got into her uniform via shoe horn and a whole tub of Crisco. "and the plane has been delayed again, till 1600." My suspicions were of course that she had stuffed all the contents of the boxes into herself in an hour, but I wasn't exactly disappointed. At 1330, they announced they would be opening the "kitchen" at the airport to feed us. One VERY sad sandwich later, we were fed.
Finally, the plane arrived and vomited out 100 marines. We sat and watched them consume every scrap of edible materiel from the USO. After about 2 more hours we got on the plane.
There is a saying in the military: "it pays to be first." This was never more true than when getting on a military rotator. Being in the first 12 or so to get onto the plane put me up front in "business" class, with the better seats. That being said, we still had about 14 hours of flying ahead of us and no one was going to be comfortable. The flight was relatively uneventful. They played 4 of the worst movies of all time, something about a car with Selena Gomez in it. I suppose that if I had no talent at anything I would have a chance in Hollywood as well. Alas, my skills at bull-shit probably put me out of the rankings.
In Germany, we got off the plane for about 4 hours. Had a beer, wurst, roll, kraut and a nap. Learned that marines are REALLY comfortable with each other.
We got back on the plane and went to Jordan. Mannas is HUGE from the air. Lights went on for miles and miles. Unfortunately we couldnt get off the plane there, so we just sat. And sat, for 3 hours or so. Got back in the air and arrived in Qatar in the wee hours of the morning. Customs, in processing, and chow, then sleep for a few hours.
Yesterday, we had 3 briefings about various things, but all of them included the phrase "don't piss in water bottles." Apparently, if you don't do very well on the ASVAB, you can serve your country by digging through trash looking for sensitive materiel that idiots like me throw away. God Bless the USA, and public education.
Took a nap, ate at the DFAC (Dining FACility) and went to the gym. It looked like a Nickleback concert in there. There were 700 dudes crammed into a relatively small gym, all of whom were sleeveless, covered in tattoos, wearing "Beats Headphones," and doing arm curls or bench press. Interestingly, my buddy "Perk" and I were able to exercise our legs relatively unmolested. One phenomena I was able to witness was two crowds of sweaty sleeveless dudes gathered around two machines. I initially thought they must have been where the "Monster" drinks were being dispensed. In fact, it was where the two girls in the gym were. It looked like 20 guys performing a Rockettes routine, just with their arms. Never have I seen more guys trying to desperately impress 2 people. Remember people, Herpes is forever.
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