So I haven't written a blog in a while. This is probably obvious to you as you have not read one in a while. So we are even. I have to come to realize that I am trapped in prison on planet bull-shit. I will try not to bore you with politics, but as most of us know, nurses have a tendency to be terrible managers, and I am experiencing a tsunami of micro management here in the smelliest place on earth. Digressing.
We last saw our hero in Germany with his friend Joe, wildly drinking cheap German beer and screaming poorly accented words at locals. Unfortunately, that is where our civic ambassador-ship (not a word, I know) ended. We piled on a transport plane and came back home here to Qatar. By now, all the different crews have arrived, and were are all split up based on experience, rank, and random acts of chance. Luckily for me, Joe is still on my crew. I also have a nurse, Bart, and two more techs, Cam and Dianna. The five of us get along pretty well.
We didn't fly again for almost 10 days. Not that there weren't missions, there were plenty of those, we are just unlucky and didn't come up in the rotation. The overwhelming, soul crushing, life stealing, hair splitting, Vogon-esque, bureaucracy that is the Airforce just got in the way. We have rules for everything like I said, and we are either available for a mission or not, and we just kept missing our time slot. We finally went back to Germany after almost two weeks of sitting here. Much like the time before, we got alerted for the mission at 9 at night. Brief, get our equipment, go the plane, get out patients, and take off around 0030 in the morning. The flight takes about 8 hours. With 11 patients or so. I am going to skip the parts about the medical care for my own career safety, but some of these folks were pretty sick.
Germany this time was way different. Bart lives there as he is active duty air force, so we had a tour guide. So we drank our beer off base instead of in our rooms. Well, we did that too, but we started off base at least. Also, Donner Kabab. The most amazing thing since Jesus. Shaved Lamb over french fries with cabbage and a yogurt sauce. Sounds amazing right? It is if you eat where I do every day. So we ate 6 in 2 days. My GI tract was never happier to leave a place.
Unfortunately we were only there for 2 days, and we went to the nastiest place on earth. Bagram Air Base, Afghanistan is the land that time forgot. The Russians had an airfield there back when we were helping the Afgans kill them, and now we have taken over the same place. It looks like you took a bucket full of military supplies, buildings, rocks and mud, and threw it on the ground. We have been there for more than 10 years, and everyone is walking on mud paths, to mud huts, wipe their boots on mud before walking through mud. Everything is grey with the stuff. Its depressing. Its also winter there. We did go the Bazaar and see what there was to buy.
Everything there is a con. All the goods are being advertized as the "best most amazing high quality product ever made by man" and this is for a scarf obviously made from the leftovers from a bandage factory. Or trinkets no one would ever buy, old military surplus, or counterfeit goods. You can get a pair of "Beats" headphones there for 20 bucks. They work too! For a while. The DVD market is truly something to behold. No such thing as copyright laws here. Every movie the sell is from some guys phone as he sat in a theater. People literally walk across the screen during the movie, or cough, or ask the guy why he is filming the movie. You can get the entire Big Bang Theory box set for 20 bucks, and it is quite obviously recorded from TV. Even has advertisements for other shows.
We were stuck there for 3 days, sleeping on cots, no access to showers, trudging to the chow hall at weird hours because we were on a different schedule. Everyone there is carrying a gun too. Every once in a while, an Afgan just starts shooting people, and everyone else shoots back. Its a gas!
We finally got back after about 6 days gone. Never been so glad to be back in the desert.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Saturday, February 1, 2014
My German is not as good as I remember.
So Germany. Land of the 2 Liter beer, home of the HAVE YOU PEOPLE NEVER HEARD OF DEODORANT! JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST YOU PEOPLE SMELL.
Other than that the trip was great. For the un-initiated again, we are "Air-Crew" when we are flying as flight nurses, with patients, on a mission. Once that mission has ended, we drop to the bottom of the list, and are treated as uppity passengers with a crap-ton of baggage. We were told that we were going to get a quick turn and be back in Qatar in 16 hours. So we immediately set to doing what Flyers do best: Drinking. Beer is cheaper than water in Germany. Even on base. Its also WAY better than water. What has water ever done for me? NOTHING, that's what. Beer, however, has made me way more awesome, and able to consume vast amounts of German food at a singe sitting. So that was the first night. The next day, we were told that the plane wizards had gone on strike, so we couldn't get off the ground. Fine with me. We went to the BX (military Wal-Mart, just without the classy clientele) visited all the little shops in the mall on base, and ate twice more at the German restaurant. Watched TV a bunch, and took another 30 minute HOT shower. Glorious.
The next day, we rented bicycles and kick ass helmets, went exploring into the Hinterland. Rode out to Landschtul and pedaled up to the castle, and around some neighborhoods. Very clean place, no graffiti, friendly people. I was practicing my 4 word German vocabulary. Big eyes, thick accent, HALLO!! to everyone I passed.
"who was that guy on the bike talking to? Do you know him?"
"Nah, Germans are wierd"
"yup"
"AUF WIEDERSEHN!!!!!!"
"I cant wait to get back to Murica..."
We ate lunch at the Schloss Hotel, a nice place on the side of the hill just below the castle. You guessed it, more schnitzel, more beer, and a classic German salad. Olives, radishes, purple cabbage, and a light vinaigrette. We had the opportunity to put "American Dressing" on our salad. Ranch of course. I declined to inform the chef it is now considered a vegetable in most American households.
Pedaled back to the base, and toured the old areas where I lived in fourth grade. Nothing is the same, except the slide I burned my arm on 20 years ago. Still have a scar. I wanted to get off my bike and kick it, but all the Moms would have called the cops. Joe and I discovered the benefits of 6 beers for 2 dollars. "Delerium Tremens" is a world recognized beer. Its delicious.
Yes, we were playing quarters.
The next day, we decided to use the famous German public transportation system to go see K-Town, a mere 20 minute train ride away.
Joe and I took a cab to the Ramstein train depot, and were dropped off. There were dozens of cabs, and buses, and people everywhere. We walked into a building on the rail station, expecting to buy tickets. Nope, its a bar. Walked back out, and down to the automated ticket machine. We argued about what it was trying to tell us, and didnt buy a ticket. Went back to the bar to ask some questions. We were hungry too, so we would get some lunch. NOPE, kitchen closed. So we had a beer. That's lunch in some countries. The obviously American waitress was dissapointed we didnt want to buy a microwave pizza, but did give us directions on how to use the ticket machine.
"Just buy a ticket for K-town, get on the train going that way, cant miss it."
"That easy?"
"Sure is. Pizza?"
Staggered back out and got a ticket. Also went to the roadside Chinese place there at the station. It was the best damn Chinese food I have ever had.
We wolfed it down, and hopped on the train when it arrived. A few minutes later, we were off to see the countryside. We pulled in to Landschtul train station after about 10 minutes and came to a stop. A ton of people got off the train, and a bunch more got on. The conductor packed up his stuff (we were in the front) and got off. "Must be change of shift." I mentioned to Joe, thus reasserting my cultural dominance. We sat there, and a surly looking gentleman with a moustache that would make Tom Sellick green with envy commenced to stare at us with the glare of a thousand suns.
Joe and I sat on the train, perfectly content, awaiting our impending departure towards K-town. For 20 minutes. At the exact moment that Joe said "I wonder if we should have gotten on that other train over there, it says K-Town on it" our train took off. Backwards. The way we came. In retrospect, the Moustache Glare might have been a look of confusion.
Other than that the trip was great. For the un-initiated again, we are "Air-Crew" when we are flying as flight nurses, with patients, on a mission. Once that mission has ended, we drop to the bottom of the list, and are treated as uppity passengers with a crap-ton of baggage. We were told that we were going to get a quick turn and be back in Qatar in 16 hours. So we immediately set to doing what Flyers do best: Drinking. Beer is cheaper than water in Germany. Even on base. Its also WAY better than water. What has water ever done for me? NOTHING, that's what. Beer, however, has made me way more awesome, and able to consume vast amounts of German food at a singe sitting. So that was the first night. The next day, we were told that the plane wizards had gone on strike, so we couldn't get off the ground. Fine with me. We went to the BX (military Wal-Mart, just without the classy clientele) visited all the little shops in the mall on base, and ate twice more at the German restaurant. Watched TV a bunch, and took another 30 minute HOT shower. Glorious.
The next day, we rented bicycles and kick ass helmets, went exploring into the Hinterland. Rode out to Landschtul and pedaled up to the castle, and around some neighborhoods. Very clean place, no graffiti, friendly people. I was practicing my 4 word German vocabulary. Big eyes, thick accent, HALLO!! to everyone I passed.
"who was that guy on the bike talking to? Do you know him?"
"Nah, Germans are wierd"
"yup"
"AUF WIEDERSEHN!!!!!!"
"I cant wait to get back to Murica..."
We ate lunch at the Schloss Hotel, a nice place on the side of the hill just below the castle. You guessed it, more schnitzel, more beer, and a classic German salad. Olives, radishes, purple cabbage, and a light vinaigrette. We had the opportunity to put "American Dressing" on our salad. Ranch of course. I declined to inform the chef it is now considered a vegetable in most American households.
Pedaled back to the base, and toured the old areas where I lived in fourth grade. Nothing is the same, except the slide I burned my arm on 20 years ago. Still have a scar. I wanted to get off my bike and kick it, but all the Moms would have called the cops. Joe and I discovered the benefits of 6 beers for 2 dollars. "Delerium Tremens" is a world recognized beer. Its delicious.
The next day, we decided to use the famous German public transportation system to go see K-Town, a mere 20 minute train ride away.
Joe and I took a cab to the Ramstein train depot, and were dropped off. There were dozens of cabs, and buses, and people everywhere. We walked into a building on the rail station, expecting to buy tickets. Nope, its a bar. Walked back out, and down to the automated ticket machine. We argued about what it was trying to tell us, and didnt buy a ticket. Went back to the bar to ask some questions. We were hungry too, so we would get some lunch. NOPE, kitchen closed. So we had a beer. That's lunch in some countries. The obviously American waitress was dissapointed we didnt want to buy a microwave pizza, but did give us directions on how to use the ticket machine.
"Just buy a ticket for K-town, get on the train going that way, cant miss it."
"That easy?"
"Sure is. Pizza?"
Staggered back out and got a ticket. Also went to the roadside Chinese place there at the station. It was the best damn Chinese food I have ever had.
We wolfed it down, and hopped on the train when it arrived. A few minutes later, we were off to see the countryside. We pulled in to Landschtul train station after about 10 minutes and came to a stop. A ton of people got off the train, and a bunch more got on. The conductor packed up his stuff (we were in the front) and got off. "Must be change of shift." I mentioned to Joe, thus reasserting my cultural dominance. We sat there, and a surly looking gentleman with a moustache that would make Tom Sellick green with envy commenced to stare at us with the glare of a thousand suns.
Joe and I sat on the train, perfectly content, awaiting our impending departure towards K-town. For 20 minutes. At the exact moment that Joe said "I wonder if we should have gotten on that other train over there, it says K-Town on it" our train took off. Backwards. The way we came. In retrospect, the Moustache Glare might have been a look of confusion.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
We can still fly, even if thats broken, right? RIGHT?
So the first weeks have gone by, relatively UN-eventfully. Take 25 people from all across the world and put them in a building together, make them work, eat, hang, sleep, and exercise together, and you have the premise for a MTV show. Real World Qatar.
By the way, we arent an "undisclosed location in South West Asia" anymore, I am allowed to tell you all that I am in Qatar.
So, we are sitting around, doing what aircrews do (read: dodging real work). My phone rings, we got a mission. There are call signs for all the missions we do here in the Air-Evac world, and they are probably controlled info, but believe me, they are just like you see on TV. Something that sounds really bad-ass because the pilots like saying it over the radio. So I will make up one for the purposes of literary greatness. "Thunderpig 99" was going from Qatar to Germany with patients, and we are the crew tasked to take them.
In our myriad of regulations, there are very strict rules built in about what we are allowed to do before a mission. We went into "crew rest" meaning we arent allowed to do any official duties, they cant call us, and we are supposed to be eating/sleeping before a mission. Well, I woke up at 6 that morning, all jazzed to go fly, and pack all my stuff for an extended stay in Germany (planes magically break in desirable locations), so I wanted to have enough clean under-oos.
Nobody asked my opinion about when I would like the mission to go. We were slated to be alerted after 9pm, so I tried to take a nap. No such luck. Up all day, get the call at 9. Hit the DFAC for some snacks/sandwiches. Went for our briefing, and we were told the mission was canceled. Before we could stand up, the mission was back on. Then it wasnt. So we decided to wait. About 2 hours later, "THE MISSION IS DEFINATELY ON AND WE ONLY HAVE 15 MINUTES!!! OH MY GOD GET TO THE PLANE!!!"
Yeah right. Go to customs, sit. Go to plane and run all our gear on (>750 lbs) in about 5 minutes. All sweaty and ready to go, pilot saunters down from the flight deck and tells us the ramp has been closed for 3 hours and we cant leave anyway. Its now midnight, got up at 6.
So for all of you that are already afraid of flying, skip this section. Most of you probably assume that a plane is a magical car that is imbued with powers by wizards the government keeps on staff to perform such tasks. Little do you know that the C-17 Globemaster III is a giant tangle of wires, tubes, and dilithum crystals. Things break on it all the time. Same with the civilian planes. The key is to make sure the right combination of things is broken, and you can still fly. In this case, the fuel pump for the number 3 engine was not working. Should be a "hard break" right? (Hard broke: not going to fly. Soft Broke: probably will fly, lets give it a go.) Well, the pilot told her babysitter that she would be back in 2 days, so she was going to make it work. If they overloaded the fuel cells in the outer wings, they could pump fuel into the tank for numbers 1 and 3 as needed, therefore we don't need the pump in 3 right? Sure. Also, the statement "Do we NEED a weather radar to fly? My i-Phone says there isn't any weather in Germany..." was uttered.
Qatari's open the ramp, we load patients, take off. Everyone goes to sleep (patients) and we stare blankly at the wall. Up for 20 hours now. The normal 7 hour flight was extended to 8 (ahem...fuel??) because of head winds. Finally land in Germany (up for 28 hours, starting to get sorta tired...) get rid of our patients, turn in our super secret stuff, guns, get a phone, and go to the hotel. For those of you that havent ever stayed awake for more than a 24 hour period, the next morning, you actually come out of your fog a bit because your brain is used to being up. So we decided to do the only natural thing, go get drunk.
Two schnitzels, a Knudel, and 2 liters of beer later, we were all ready for bed. Slept 12 hours and started our "vacation" in Germany. But that is another story...
By the way, we arent an "undisclosed location in South West Asia" anymore, I am allowed to tell you all that I am in Qatar.
So, we are sitting around, doing what aircrews do (read: dodging real work). My phone rings, we got a mission. There are call signs for all the missions we do here in the Air-Evac world, and they are probably controlled info, but believe me, they are just like you see on TV. Something that sounds really bad-ass because the pilots like saying it over the radio. So I will make up one for the purposes of literary greatness. "Thunderpig 99" was going from Qatar to Germany with patients, and we are the crew tasked to take them.
In our myriad of regulations, there are very strict rules built in about what we are allowed to do before a mission. We went into "crew rest" meaning we arent allowed to do any official duties, they cant call us, and we are supposed to be eating/sleeping before a mission. Well, I woke up at 6 that morning, all jazzed to go fly, and pack all my stuff for an extended stay in Germany (planes magically break in desirable locations), so I wanted to have enough clean under-oos.
Nobody asked my opinion about when I would like the mission to go. We were slated to be alerted after 9pm, so I tried to take a nap. No such luck. Up all day, get the call at 9. Hit the DFAC for some snacks/sandwiches. Went for our briefing, and we were told the mission was canceled. Before we could stand up, the mission was back on. Then it wasnt. So we decided to wait. About 2 hours later, "THE MISSION IS DEFINATELY ON AND WE ONLY HAVE 15 MINUTES!!! OH MY GOD GET TO THE PLANE!!!"
Yeah right. Go to customs, sit. Go to plane and run all our gear on (>750 lbs) in about 5 minutes. All sweaty and ready to go, pilot saunters down from the flight deck and tells us the ramp has been closed for 3 hours and we cant leave anyway. Its now midnight, got up at 6.
So for all of you that are already afraid of flying, skip this section. Most of you probably assume that a plane is a magical car that is imbued with powers by wizards the government keeps on staff to perform such tasks. Little do you know that the C-17 Globemaster III is a giant tangle of wires, tubes, and dilithum crystals. Things break on it all the time. Same with the civilian planes. The key is to make sure the right combination of things is broken, and you can still fly. In this case, the fuel pump for the number 3 engine was not working. Should be a "hard break" right? (Hard broke: not going to fly. Soft Broke: probably will fly, lets give it a go.) Well, the pilot told her babysitter that she would be back in 2 days, so she was going to make it work. If they overloaded the fuel cells in the outer wings, they could pump fuel into the tank for numbers 1 and 3 as needed, therefore we don't need the pump in 3 right? Sure. Also, the statement "Do we NEED a weather radar to fly? My i-Phone says there isn't any weather in Germany..." was uttered.
Qatari's open the ramp, we load patients, take off. Everyone goes to sleep (patients) and we stare blankly at the wall. Up for 20 hours now. The normal 7 hour flight was extended to 8 (ahem...fuel??) because of head winds. Finally land in Germany (up for 28 hours, starting to get sorta tired...) get rid of our patients, turn in our super secret stuff, guns, get a phone, and go to the hotel. For those of you that havent ever stayed awake for more than a 24 hour period, the next morning, you actually come out of your fog a bit because your brain is used to being up. So we decided to do the only natural thing, go get drunk.
Two schnitzels, a Knudel, and 2 liters of beer later, we were all ready for bed. Slept 12 hours and started our "vacation" in Germany. But that is another story...
Monday, January 6, 2014
The Tator and the Rockettes
Goooooooood Morrrrrrning North America!
Sorry about a lack of posts this week, connectivity at 38,000 feet is garbage. We will get to that in a minute.
Since we last saw our hero, tons of nothing has happened. We left our quaint military base in Washington state after 4 days of running around, getting issued an extra 200 pounds of green/tan stuff, and trying to fit it all into 5 bags. When I got to the airport, the very kind airport lady told me it needed to be in 4. So I got to be that guy, standing in line, cursing like a drunk sailor, trying to stuff socks/sleeping bags/body armor into a bag the size of a pillow case. Amazingly it fit.
Flew to St.Paul. If I needed to make a "de-Motivational calendar" I would take a picture of Minnesota from the air. Frozen solid. It was 12 degrees there, but we didn't mind, we were walking 3 miles through the airport to find out our plane was delayed. Eventually we went to Norfolk (read: Nah-fuk) Virginia. Checked into Navy billeting there and ordered pizza at 11pm. We had to get back to the passenger terminal by 7 to catch our flight. On a side note, the very nice (if prying) Ethopian man driving the cab did seem to know more about our flight than we did. He told us that the plane leaves at night. We thanked him for his concern, and smiled to ourselves knowing that he didn't know what he was talking about.
When we got to the passenger terminal, we were told the plane was delayed till 2. Went and had the worst omelet known to man:
Me: Ma'am, what is this? I ordered a western omlet.
Ham-beast: no you didnt. Its a spanish omlet.
Me: Yes I did, it had peppers and onions. What IS this??
Ham-beast: Its spanish.
Me: Why?
Ham-beast: Because of the sauce.
Me: Diced tomatoes from a can and celery is Spanish?
Ham-beast: You want me to...make you something else?
Me: I know better than that.....
So we went back to the terminal with full stomachs, and a strange urge for bull fighting and Tapas. When we got there, we spread out and took a nap.
At about 1030, there was an announcement, we would be getting box lunches (read: box nasty) at 1130. For the UN-initiated, a box-nasty is the remnants from food drops on third world countries that they will not eat, and send back over the fence onto military compounds via catapult. So we had that going for us.
At 1230, I went to ask about our supposed mystery lunches. "we lost them" said a young naval person that got into her uniform via shoe horn and a whole tub of Crisco. "and the plane has been delayed again, till 1600." My suspicions were of course that she had stuffed all the contents of the boxes into herself in an hour, but I wasn't exactly disappointed. At 1330, they announced they would be opening the "kitchen" at the airport to feed us. One VERY sad sandwich later, we were fed.
Finally, the plane arrived and vomited out 100 marines. We sat and watched them consume every scrap of edible materiel from the USO. After about 2 more hours we got on the plane.
There is a saying in the military: "it pays to be first." This was never more true than when getting on a military rotator. Being in the first 12 or so to get onto the plane put me up front in "business" class, with the better seats. That being said, we still had about 14 hours of flying ahead of us and no one was going to be comfortable. The flight was relatively uneventful. They played 4 of the worst movies of all time, something about a car with Selena Gomez in it. I suppose that if I had no talent at anything I would have a chance in Hollywood as well. Alas, my skills at bull-shit probably put me out of the rankings.
In Germany, we got off the plane for about 4 hours. Had a beer, wurst, roll, kraut and a nap. Learned that marines are REALLY comfortable with each other.
I don't even think that guy was sleeping.
We got back on the plane and went to Jordan. Mannas is HUGE from the air. Lights went on for miles and miles. Unfortunately we couldnt get off the plane there, so we just sat. And sat, for 3 hours or so. Got back in the air and arrived in Qatar in the wee hours of the morning. Customs, in processing, and chow, then sleep for a few hours.
Yesterday, we had 3 briefings about various things, but all of them included the phrase "don't piss in water bottles." Apparently, if you don't do very well on the ASVAB, you can serve your country by digging through trash looking for sensitive materiel that idiots like me throw away. God Bless the USA, and public education.
Took a nap, ate at the DFAC (Dining FACility) and went to the gym. It looked like a Nickleback concert in there. There were 700 dudes crammed into a relatively small gym, all of whom were sleeveless, covered in tattoos, wearing "Beats Headphones," and doing arm curls or bench press. Interestingly, my buddy "Perk" and I were able to exercise our legs relatively unmolested. One phenomena I was able to witness was two crowds of sweaty sleeveless dudes gathered around two machines. I initially thought they must have been where the "Monster" drinks were being dispensed. In fact, it was where the two girls in the gym were. It looked like 20 guys performing a Rockettes routine, just with their arms. Never have I seen more guys trying to desperately impress 2 people. Remember people, Herpes is forever.
Sorry about a lack of posts this week, connectivity at 38,000 feet is garbage. We will get to that in a minute.
Since we last saw our hero, tons of nothing has happened. We left our quaint military base in Washington state after 4 days of running around, getting issued an extra 200 pounds of green/tan stuff, and trying to fit it all into 5 bags. When I got to the airport, the very kind airport lady told me it needed to be in 4. So I got to be that guy, standing in line, cursing like a drunk sailor, trying to stuff socks/sleeping bags/body armor into a bag the size of a pillow case. Amazingly it fit.
Flew to St.Paul. If I needed to make a "de-Motivational calendar" I would take a picture of Minnesota from the air. Frozen solid. It was 12 degrees there, but we didn't mind, we were walking 3 miles through the airport to find out our plane was delayed. Eventually we went to Norfolk (read: Nah-fuk) Virginia. Checked into Navy billeting there and ordered pizza at 11pm. We had to get back to the passenger terminal by 7 to catch our flight. On a side note, the very nice (if prying) Ethopian man driving the cab did seem to know more about our flight than we did. He told us that the plane leaves at night. We thanked him for his concern, and smiled to ourselves knowing that he didn't know what he was talking about.
When we got to the passenger terminal, we were told the plane was delayed till 2. Went and had the worst omelet known to man:
Me: Ma'am, what is this? I ordered a western omlet.
Ham-beast: no you didnt. Its a spanish omlet.
Me: Yes I did, it had peppers and onions. What IS this??
Ham-beast: Its spanish.
Me: Why?
Ham-beast: Because of the sauce.
Me: Diced tomatoes from a can and celery is Spanish?
Ham-beast: You want me to...make you something else?
Me: I know better than that.....
So we went back to the terminal with full stomachs, and a strange urge for bull fighting and Tapas. When we got there, we spread out and took a nap.
At 1230, I went to ask about our supposed mystery lunches. "we lost them" said a young naval person that got into her uniform via shoe horn and a whole tub of Crisco. "and the plane has been delayed again, till 1600." My suspicions were of course that she had stuffed all the contents of the boxes into herself in an hour, but I wasn't exactly disappointed. At 1330, they announced they would be opening the "kitchen" at the airport to feed us. One VERY sad sandwich later, we were fed.
Finally, the plane arrived and vomited out 100 marines. We sat and watched them consume every scrap of edible materiel from the USO. After about 2 more hours we got on the plane.
There is a saying in the military: "it pays to be first." This was never more true than when getting on a military rotator. Being in the first 12 or so to get onto the plane put me up front in "business" class, with the better seats. That being said, we still had about 14 hours of flying ahead of us and no one was going to be comfortable. The flight was relatively uneventful. They played 4 of the worst movies of all time, something about a car with Selena Gomez in it. I suppose that if I had no talent at anything I would have a chance in Hollywood as well. Alas, my skills at bull-shit probably put me out of the rankings.
In Germany, we got off the plane for about 4 hours. Had a beer, wurst, roll, kraut and a nap. Learned that marines are REALLY comfortable with each other.
We got back on the plane and went to Jordan. Mannas is HUGE from the air. Lights went on for miles and miles. Unfortunately we couldnt get off the plane there, so we just sat. And sat, for 3 hours or so. Got back in the air and arrived in Qatar in the wee hours of the morning. Customs, in processing, and chow, then sleep for a few hours.
Yesterday, we had 3 briefings about various things, but all of them included the phrase "don't piss in water bottles." Apparently, if you don't do very well on the ASVAB, you can serve your country by digging through trash looking for sensitive materiel that idiots like me throw away. God Bless the USA, and public education.
Took a nap, ate at the DFAC (Dining FACility) and went to the gym. It looked like a Nickleback concert in there. There were 700 dudes crammed into a relatively small gym, all of whom were sleeveless, covered in tattoos, wearing "Beats Headphones," and doing arm curls or bench press. Interestingly, my buddy "Perk" and I were able to exercise our legs relatively unmolested. One phenomena I was able to witness was two crowds of sweaty sleeveless dudes gathered around two machines. I initially thought they must have been where the "Monster" drinks were being dispensed. In fact, it was where the two girls in the gym were. It looked like 20 guys performing a Rockettes routine, just with their arms. Never have I seen more guys trying to desperately impress 2 people. Remember people, Herpes is forever.
Friday, January 3, 2014
On the road again
Well, 400 lbs of crap can actually fit into 4 bags if you are holding up the line. No cavity searches yet, no hassles. St. Paul Minnesota has a beautiful airport.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Almost there....Almost there!
Last day at home has arrived. Doing half normal husband stuff, cooking, cleaning, cleaned the ovens. The other half is The Nutcracker and a nice dinner.
Almost everything is packed, having a hard time finding room for my pillow. If those idiots at TSA open anything, it's never getting back in the bag.
Have the hard copy pictures to take with me, books, movies, magazines. Razor, toothbrush, 3 copies of orders. Think it's all there.
Just need to make it till tomorrow at 1pm and we will start the countdown till I am home again.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Counting Down
Hello friends, family, and millions of anonymous internet viewers, welcome to my blog about my deployment. I wanted to create a page that will help me share my experiences with you all, and let you keep in touch with me too. Stay tuned to learn all about life in an "undisclosed location in South East Asia."
I dont leave for a few more days so check back in a few weeks for wild and amazing tales of world travel, lay-overs, jet lag, and delicious airplane food!!
-S
I dont leave for a few more days so check back in a few weeks for wild and amazing tales of world travel, lay-overs, jet lag, and delicious airplane food!!
-S
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